I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
