u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
