i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
