Soap is not a condiment
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
