if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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