no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
