I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
