so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
