I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
