My first STD was from a foam party
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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