yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize