does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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