He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
