dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize