wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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