Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
