why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
