So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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