Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
