tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
