i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
