I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
