She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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