I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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