can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
