I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
