If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
