ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
