1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
