Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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