I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
