Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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