First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
