if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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