What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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