he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
