My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
