recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
