The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
