im having a threesome with these popsicles
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize