Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
