Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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