you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
