I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
