just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
