i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
