conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Go christen that room with your naked body.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
