The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
