just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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