SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
