Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
