woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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