Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize