I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize