I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
