he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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