i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize