john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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