yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
