Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
