I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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