Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
