life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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