I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
