please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
