He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
