you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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