Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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