You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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