just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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