but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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