Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize