5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
