I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
