I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
