Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
