I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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