just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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