guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
