So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
even my farts smell like vagina
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Randomize
