he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
