the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
