Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize