she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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