I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
