shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
