She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
