my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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